you should go through pms, then we'll talk.

the person who knows you the best in this world might not be the one that you love the most.


the person you love the most might be the the one who constantly breaks your heart.


the person you care so much about might be the one who tell you the most lies.


the person who lie to you all the time might be the one you depend on the most in life.


the person you bitch about all the time might be the one who got your back through the hardest times.


the person you love might not be the one you need.


life is ironic.

limit

every person in this world has their own limit point.

it shows how much pain one can endure, how tough they are, how patient they are, how strong they are at keeping up with the nonsense that other people create for them.

but what happens when a person have reached his/her limit point and realize that they couldn't take it anymore?

they break.

as for me, every time i felt like breaking, i kept telling myself,

"I'm flexible, i'm stretchable. i'm like a rubber, and rubbers don't break."

yeah, they don't. but hearts do.

note to self

do i smoke?

no.

do i drink?

no.

do i take weed/ice ice baby?

no.

do i shisha?

no.

do i sneak out?

no.

have i ever been to a club before?

no.

am i a party animal?

no.

have i ever watch porn before?

no.

have i ever been out alone with a guy before?

no.

whats the worst thing i've ever done with a guy?

hold hands.

am i a virgin?

hell yeah.

and why aren't they satisfied yet?

because they only see the bad things i've done, not the bad things that i've avoided myself from doing.

what's their definition of wild?

go out for a dinner with a girl and 3 other guys at a decent restaurant with so many other normal people until 10pm.

how do i feel about that?

confused.

can i just cry now? please? pretty please?

to start, i'm gonna write bout my frigging exam results.

BM: 77 1A

ENGLISH: 69 3B

HISTORY: 69 3B

AGAMA: 68 3B

EST: 55 5C

MODMATHS: unknown

ADDMATHS: 33 9G

PHYSICS: 67 3B

CHEMISTRY: unknown

BIOLOGY: 40 8E

it is proven that i am no genius no more. :'(

i can't tell u how embarrass i am to display my not-so-cool results here. but i've promised myself that i'm gonna make some improvement and by keeping a record of my results here, and knowing that you guys are reading them and laughing at them, its totally gonna be a motivation for me. take a good look at them, cause u won't see those again for my midterm exam.

i'm soooo gonna drop my EST.

adding to my already unbearable misery, my purse with my I/C and shitload amount of cash went missing on monday. i have no idea where i might have drop it. i'm praying, godddd, please return it back to me. i need that money to buy that supercool tango shoes at vincci. :) well, if i get back my purse with the money still in it, i swear i'll donate some to the charity or something. okay now i sound very despo. ha ha.

i just lost a person that is like a little sister to me. i regret that i did not make any effort to go see her, i didnt even know she was sick. how could i have not known? and she left so fast, so young, so tragic. its feel like only yesterday i went out with her, having lunch and had loads of fun together. haih. this thing makes me realize to not take the people around me, the people i love for granted. cause u just don't know when its their turn to leave this world.

i dont feel lucky, at all. certainly not happy.

did i broke your heart?

did i tore you apart?

you say, "don't worry"

i say, "i'm sorry"

i need motivation, inspiration. you're the perfect thing.

taknak?

okehh.

taknak cakap pasal addmaths or chemistry. dumdeedumdidlydum.

taknak cakap pasal cuti jugak.

taknak cakap pasal family. :(

taknak cakap pasal diri sendiri.

taknak cakap dengan awak.

taknak cakap kenapa saya taknak cakap.

oh kenapaaaaaa

cancer. it's such a big word. it'll be bigger if it applies to you.

let say. one day you're having a very bad headache. the next day, the doctor diagnosed u with a lung cancer.

"whats that gotta do with the very bad headache?" u may ask.

well, the cancer has reached a critical state and it has already spread to the brain.

now, that's when you realise life is not that long anymore.




i know a person in that situation. a very close person. family, in fact.

suddenly i thought, "why am i acting like everything is normal? i don't feel the sadness."

my theories:
1. i've known him since forever. so eventhough he's all sick, i still see him as the healthy person i've known all my life.

2. i'm just in denial. :) i only see what i want to see, i only feel what i want to feel.

3. i'm pretending to be happy when ever i'm with him so that he feel less like he's dying.

i think i should be sad. i must be sad. this is the perfect situation where i'm allowed to show my capability of being a sensitive person.

but how can i be sad when he's all happy like nothing is wrong with him? so confusing.





we didn't see this one coming, we can't. after all, we're just mere humans, with so many weakness.

all thats left for us to do now just is pray.

syazana absent hari ini membuatkan saya gila

i feel horrible. everything seems so wrong. i'm starting to realize that i ain't what people say i am. i doubt my own capability, my sanity. i can't believe how selfish i can be.

what should i do? i thought i want this so much. i have the perfect vision of what it'll be. i guess thats just not enough, huh?



nobody cares like i do.





gotta drink more coke.

:'(

i hate gossips.

scene 2, take 5: juliet kills romeo

romeo: boleh tak teman aku kat sekola saturday ni?
juliet: malas lah. x suka pegi skola hari sabtu.
romeo: alaaa, please please please? i bought u cadbury chocolate!
juliet: hurmm, tengok lah.


juliet didn't show up at school.


romeo called juliet on the phone.


romeo: asl x dtg skola? jom lepak mamak.
juliet: xnak. malas la.
romeo: kejap je!
juliet: TAKNAK.
romeo: okay, aku datang rumah kau. nak hantar barang.
juliet: tak payah laaa. kat skola je bagi.


romeo texted juliet, expressing his angriness n frustrations. told her he'd thrown the rose he bought for juliet.
juliet got really angry n told romeo to throw the chocolate too.


romeo: die dah janji dengan aku die nk jd date aku utk valentines.
juliet's bestie: wey, there's a big difference between "would you be my valentines?" n "jom teman aku on valentines day?"
romeo: ........


conclusion: he's NOT my romeo.

for you my dearest friend

its very late now to even write. or shall i say early? who cares anyway. i suddenly had this urge to express my current feelings in this precious blog of mine. these thoughts in my head that kept me awake till now, 4.57am.


theres questions popping up that began to make me second guessing myself. am i behaving badly as a friend? are my advices that suckish till no one, or shall i say that specific someone, choose not to take it? all i want to do is trying to help. but clearly it doesnt seems to work, or even make a slightest change to the situation. is it me, i kept asking. but i know the answer, its already in my head ready to spill it to u. its not me, its you!


it may sound absuredly selfish but thats what i think. u may think otherwise, i dont care. okay, maybe i'm known for my horrible mood swings n i tend to behave over-dramatically at times. thats just my reaction, i tried my best not to let it affect the situation. we humans does have limits. in case u havent notice, I AM A HUMAN. not some feelingless alien freak from mars! so, do understand.


all i want is for u to listen. listen to what i have to say, listen to yourself. listen to what people around u are saying. after all, this life is not just about you. stop making yourself as miserable as hell. what ever that upsets u, just let it go n believe me, it will help u to get over it. tell me, how can u get over a thing when u kept holding on to it? everyone hav been through the bad times but we move on because theres so much more to life than just thinking bout what we cant fix or change.


at times i feel like u're treating me like a stranger. why? am i one to u? its just frustrating when u acted so differently. u said u've been hurt by my words n action, like i'm not by yours! like i said before, its not all about u. one thing that i think u forgot is that i am n always will be there when u need me. it doesnt matter if we dont see each other's faces often. we can still tell each other stuffs. its doesnt make any diff.


i have my reasons not to see u when u asked to see me. but when i asked u about ur probs, u refused to tell me. how am i suppose to help if u're not trying to help me help u?? u're the one who told me theres no secrets between us. i guess its easier said than done huh?


i'm not writing this to play the blame game. i'm here because i need u to know what i feel inside. we've been busy arguing n failed to have a proper grown up conversation. if u've found a better friend that can take over my place than i'm happy u did. what else can i say? stop making your life miserable damn it.