Lost

whats up with ze title? firstly, lemme share a song zat i've been playing on repeat lately :)

ehem ehem.

Today is a bit mellow for me. it's one of those days where you don't know what to feel. i'm not angry, not happy either. just, bleghhh. that word/sound pretty much sums up the way i'm feeling.

Today is the 6th anniversary of Hezril Remmy's passing. ahhh, how time flies. we're all grown ups now and sometimes i wonder how he would turn up if he's still alive. memories that we had together are still fresh in my mind. how could i ever forget?

so many things have changed since. the day he passed away was the first time i learn how it feels like to lose someone. at the time, i've always thought that fourteen is such a young age to face something as awful as death of loved ones. but then again, there are people out there who've lost parents at a younger age and that made me feel thankful that god has not test me with such things.

by now, i've come to accept that nothing last forever and nothing is certain. at some point in life you are going to lose someone or something that you care for so much  whether you like it or not. this year has been the toughest yet for me cause i think i've lost more than one friend. the closest i've ever had.

i dare say that loosing someone to death is easier than loosing someone because there is no other way to be together without hurting each other and people around you. 

don't get me wrong, i'm not gonna write about my love life here (ada ke pun?) so you can relax now.

sometimes i get too caught up with my feelings that i let it interfere with my decision making. maybe i was wrong, maybe i made the wrong decision. but i did what i feel is right at the time.

and then there's the memories. ah, if only i could erase them all and start fresh. it is hard to live knowing that those memories are the only thing that is left of  the friendship that we used to have.

but despite all that, i have no regrets over what happen. i admit i could have been more understanding and react better to the situation, but i did not. and for that i apologize. 

i believe in fate. if it is fated that we shall meet again i the future, then i'll welcome you with open arms. but if it's not, then maybe god has better plan for us :)

hahhhh, it feels good to write it all out ^__^

on another news, i lost my purse. the blue glittery one which everyone thought was a netbook, make up set etc. oh well, it's about time i buy a new purse anyway. siapa yang ambik tu semoga dia mimpi i setiap malam sampai dia muak and pulangkan purse tu. aminnn. heh heh. 

till then, take care people. jangan emo emo ;)

missing my mi amor <3