Dreams

I've once read that if a person appears in your dream, in a psychological-ish way, it means that that person is missing you. how true is this, i haven't go a clue. maybe i should do a study on this for my final year project .


I've never really been the type who like to sleep. i still remembered when i was little how sucky it feels like to be forced to take a nap in the evening or to go to bed early at night. it was not like i had anything better to do like watching the teevee or anything. i just don't like sleeping. but when i'm asleep, i really hate waking up :B


on the contrary, when it comes to dreams (or nightmare in some occasion) I've had many collections of them. i think i'm a very active astral projector like that kid in the Insidious movie. its like my astral body has a mind of its own. whenever i'm asleep it would immediately get out and celebrate the freedom by running around naked in the land of dreams. does that make sense?


enough nonsense. since today is a very boring day, i ought to make it more interesting by sharing about my TOP 5 WEIRDEST DREAMS EVER. enjoy :)


1. WHEN THE SULTAN OF JOHOR (father-in-law) AND HIS SONS VISITS ME  :D (visit or masuk meminang i couldn't remember i woke up too soon T.T)
this is hands down THE most amazing dream i've ever had *starry eyes*. everyone who knows me know that 'marrying a Johor royal prince' has been on my to-do list since i laid my eyes on them. hewhew. i think my obsession and strong determination has affected the unconscious part of my brain resulting in such dream. this does not happen once, but twice. yes, TWICE. maybe i should find a new ambition -.-


2. BEING IN A MUSICAL HARRY POTTER MOVIE
not just being in it, i was THE main character in it. so instead of having Harry Potter, you have Farah Potter :D me and my roommate Fatini used to speak to each other in British accent whenever we want to cheer each other up. and she would make the best impersonation or Mary Potter, who according to her is Harry Potter's sister. LOL. in this dream, i remembered shooting a scene where we have to dance a musical number like in high school musical. one messed up dream i tell you.


3. GETTING PREGNANT
now now, don't take me as a very itchy (gatal) person for having such dreams. hahaha. the truth is i love babies and i wish i could have one without having to make one with someone, geddit? anyways, i had two dreams about getting preggie. in the first dream, my water just broke an i was in panic mode while in the second i was pregnant nine months but my tummy is so flat i'm afraid to even breathe takut baby terkeluar. hahahaha. but in both dreams, i have no idea who's the father of my baby. that is very very very sad :(


4. ARRANGED MARRIAGE GONE WRONG
this was a total nightmare. i couldn't get out of it. i remember being alone and very scared and tried very hard to find the guy i'm married to cause i wasn't allowed to see his face during the nikah and he was, i think. avoiding me. and after the nikah our family organised a little party and I WASN'T INVITED. how sadddd to not be invited to your own wedding party :(


5. DATING GERARD WAY 
i had this dream when i was in form 2 if i'm not mistaken. during the days where i blasted MCR's song on my ipod. ohh, the good days. i was crazy about Gerard back then, me and my friend Ana. in fact, the song I Don't Love You was our theme song for year 2006. in my dream, Gerard and i went out on a date at MPSJ. how weird is thatttt?? maybe because around that time me and my friends would always go to MPSJ to jog and train for sports day. and from there we would walk to taipan and along the way we would sing our heart out to the song I Don't Love You. hahaha. once, i actually believed that i could stand a chance against all the other girls and win Gerard's heard and fate would bring us closer no matter how far apart we were. hahahahaha how naive i was!


so, that is all that i could remember for now. if the theory i stated earlier about 'the person in your dream is actually missing you' is true, then i'm very lucky to have Sultan Ibrahim Ismail and Gerard Way missing me ^__^

random ramblings

1. my ear and nose are blocked. i feel so irritated cause i can't enjoy my food. and my impaired hearing has left me feeling out of balance. (is that even possible?)

2. it really bugs me to see how certain people act on fb. i think nabnab was right when she said fb buat dosa bertambah. haha.

3. i think that if you like someone, you shouldn't try so hard on pretending that you don't. cause it shows, really.

4. i am in no mood to do my revision for the finals. so i'm going to my happy place later! :D guess where?

MYDIN

5. i miss having a pet. i think i'm gonna adopt a cat or something soon. or do a voluntary job at the animal shelter ^__^

aren't they adowable?

i need anger management

i just feel like i wanna slap someone for no reason -.-

hmm, maybe its that time of the month. ya know, hormone imbalance and what not. it's getting outta control! but it feels good 8)

anyways, i'm not suppose to blog now cause its study week. blogging feels so...sinful. been sick for the wholeeeee weeek! so i can't really study in peace.

went to the ER just now to get myself checked. dah telan ubat banyak2 tapi tak baik jugak. ottoke! so emak being an emak, decided to bring me straight to the hospital.

i get shivers when i walked around the ER. its my first time going there after my toe incident. when i look at the floor, i remembered the pool of blood..and my screaming *aaaaaaaaaa*...and the stupid doctor who looked so blur i could have slapped him if i wasn't in so much pain.

yeah, i saw that doctor again, after 4 years. the urge to slap him is still there, but not as strong. and that will forever remain as the most terrifying experience i've ever experienced.

went to the bank today to settle some stuff that needed to be settled. all i can say is maybank sucks. haihh, the first time i went to the one near my mother's office. gila lembap! orang nak reactivate atm card pun nak kena tunggu berjam-jam. i got impatient so i just left.

today, i went to the one at bangsar. it took me less then 15 minutes to get my card reactivated. i don't know whether its the place factor or what (bangsar kan ramai datuk-datuk kaya so takleh la biar diorg tunggu macam rakyat jelata yang lain). tapi serious lain gilaaaa service between the two branch.

thats not even the worst part.

i've been applying for something something since february and until now, they have not get it approved yet. everytime i go there, mesti adaaaa je alasan. and everytime i check my maybank2u, belum jugak approve. haihh, hangin betul.

thennnn, just now when i was there to reactivate my card, kebetulan terjumpa abang yang supposedly incharge of the thing that i applied for. HE SAID THE THING IS STILL NOT PROCESSED!

ni yang nak nafs ammarah ni (islamic psychology joke). pastu boleh pulak nak bagi alasan yang macam nak makan penampar. pastu suruh apply baru. apekah? it's already june you freaking imbicile. (haha, i feel so poyo so nak jugak guna imbicile sebab bunyi best)

can you feel the anger in this post? hahahaha, blame it on the hormones :D this post is just to release my built up anger. i don't actually have any specific reason to be angry.

now nak pergi cari makanan. teringin nak makanan durian and sushi! seperately la ofcourse.

toooodles!

p/s: already missing my ali baba. tak sabar nak balik after exam, nak lambung2 si comel itu.

credit: rizal razman's FB

Lost

whats up with ze title? firstly, lemme share a song zat i've been playing on repeat lately :)

ehem ehem.

Today is a bit mellow for me. it's one of those days where you don't know what to feel. i'm not angry, not happy either. just, bleghhh. that word/sound pretty much sums up the way i'm feeling.

Today is the 6th anniversary of Hezril Remmy's passing. ahhh, how time flies. we're all grown ups now and sometimes i wonder how he would turn up if he's still alive. memories that we had together are still fresh in my mind. how could i ever forget?

so many things have changed since. the day he passed away was the first time i learn how it feels like to lose someone. at the time, i've always thought that fourteen is such a young age to face something as awful as death of loved ones. but then again, there are people out there who've lost parents at a younger age and that made me feel thankful that god has not test me with such things.

by now, i've come to accept that nothing last forever and nothing is certain. at some point in life you are going to lose someone or something that you care for so much  whether you like it or not. this year has been the toughest yet for me cause i think i've lost more than one friend. the closest i've ever had.

i dare say that loosing someone to death is easier than loosing someone because there is no other way to be together without hurting each other and people around you. 

don't get me wrong, i'm not gonna write about my love life here (ada ke pun?) so you can relax now.

sometimes i get too caught up with my feelings that i let it interfere with my decision making. maybe i was wrong, maybe i made the wrong decision. but i did what i feel is right at the time.

and then there's the memories. ah, if only i could erase them all and start fresh. it is hard to live knowing that those memories are the only thing that is left of  the friendship that we used to have.

but despite all that, i have no regrets over what happen. i admit i could have been more understanding and react better to the situation, but i did not. and for that i apologize. 

i believe in fate. if it is fated that we shall meet again i the future, then i'll welcome you with open arms. but if it's not, then maybe god has better plan for us :)

hahhhh, it feels good to write it all out ^__^

on another news, i lost my purse. the blue glittery one which everyone thought was a netbook, make up set etc. oh well, it's about time i buy a new purse anyway. siapa yang ambik tu semoga dia mimpi i setiap malam sampai dia muak and pulangkan purse tu. aminnn. heh heh. 

till then, take care people. jangan emo emo ;)

missing my mi amor <3 

A comeback?

i never really left, just not present in the present :)

Anyways, I've decided that i need to write again. life is just not fun if you can't share it with the world. 

notice the changes? 

Iwan calls me an ustazah -.-

this is peepeefeet!

i know its an extremely weird name to name a cat. but i am weird like that :)

this little devil is just a stray cat who likes to pretend like she lives in our house. she's super smart and have a talent in persuading people to share food with her. well, she's been away for a very long time so i assume someone must have taken her to live with them cause she's super friendly and tak malu. but to my surprise she came back last two nights. i don't think she's a normal cat, maybe she's a devil or something.

the end of a beginning

guess who's finishing matrics? heh heh.

how time flies when you're having fun.

FUN?! yeah. right.

matrics is no fun brothers and sisters. but we gotta do what we gotta do, kan? after almost one year living in this hellish place, it's finally coming to an end. yeayyy!


butttttt, that also means that our finals is nearing, fastttt. do pray for me people because if you do then i promise i'll write in this blog more often when i finished this matrics programme. (i know i said that the last time but i really haven't got the time. hehe)


i must say although i really hate to be here and am dying to finish and go back to the comfort of my home, i would really miss my friends that i met here. they are super-dee-duper awesome! note that nothing is more awesome-r than super-dee-duper awesome.


especially my classmates, because some of them stay as far as terengganu. and all my lecturers, our mentor, akak koperasi (?). ewww, okay that's gross.


i'll definitely miss my dorm neighbours who are all so funny and friendly. my roommates whom i've already consider them as sisters now :') i would miss habsah the most though cause she's staying far away in KL and most because both of us wanted the same things in life, well, most of it anyways. finally i've met someone who is also passionate about being a psychologist as i have always been. as for mahirah, she is practically my neighbour in subang so yeah, i'm gonna see her often even after matrics.


ohh this is so emotional so i'm gonna stop right here. might be posting pictures soon so do wait for it ;)


i end this post with a goodbye and an offer. i really do not know what i'm going to do after matrics. so if you need a maid do call me okay?


LOL okay that was a joke. really, it is. my mum have already booked me for that job. ho ho ho so excited cant wait -.-


till then, have a nice day blogworms! ^__^

*bing!*

for the first time in my life i feel miserable but actually think that its okay to feel that way because i know that it is just a phase and will pass soon.

i know now how it feels to be alone when the people that u think will always be there for u isn't there this time to stand by your side. and its okay because now i know that i am capable of doing things on my own without depending on others.

i understand now that sometimes we just need our own space and be given time to ourselves because time apparently heals any given pain. sometimes we don't realize that we actually need time on our own, and we keep on trying to pull people into our life, thinking that two is actually better than one. but when we end up being alone despite our effort to find company, then only we realize that, hey! this isn't so bad after all! its actually good for me!

being alone doesn't mean that you have to be lonely.

this might sound sad and pathetic to some of u who are reading this. i would think so too if i didn't know any better. but think about this, if you can't stand being with your own self, how do u expect others to stand being with u?

wow, it amazes me how matured and wise i am becoming now. i blame it on the wisdom tooth that's growing. :D

if i die young

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a, bed of roses
Sink me in the river, at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song


Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother
She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh and
Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no
Ain't even gray, but she buries her baby

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had, just enough time

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a, bed of roses
Sink me in the river, at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had, just enough time

And I'll be wearing white, when I come into your kingdom
I'm as green as the ring on my little, cold finger, I've
Never known the lovin' of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand, there's a
Boy here in town says he'll, love my forever
Who would have thought forever could be severed by
The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had, just enough time

So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls
What I never did is done

A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell them for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a, bed of roses
Sink me in the river, at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

The ballad of a dove
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket
Save them for a time when your really gonna need them, oh

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had, just enough time

So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls

fish. all of you.

i've heard enough apologies this weekend to last me a lifetime.


sorry for the dramatic intro. but i must point out that being apologized to constantly, i dare say, is as annoying as not being apologized to. do you get what i mean?


being apologized to constantly means that people have high tendency to make mistakes that will result in making your life more shitty than it already is. its like as if there's a big fat sign on your forehead that says. "hey, i'm your fucking punching bag. just do it and you can always say sorry later! :)"

screw you.


while not being apologized to is easier because when the other person messed up and didnt apologise for it, u can curse that person's mother in 10 different languages for all he cares and not feeling guilty for doing it cause deep inside both of you know that other person deserves it. we call that mutual understanding, no hard feelings, problem solved.


i truly, strongly believe that killing a person by poking every part of his body by using a fork is more evil than if u just stab a knife right into his heart.


if i can collect all the 'sorry's i've been receiving throughout my life in the form of 1 dollar bill, i'd be richer than bill gates and oprah winfrey with their bank accounts put together. wouldn't that be nice?


but money is not as satisfying as giving punishment. then what shall we do to these people who thinks they can go around and do as they like without thinking about the consequences of their action on the person who's emotion is about to be permanently affected by it?


physical punisment is always the most satisfying of all.


so, next time when your team member is being the biggest jerk on earth and not doing his job right and try to make it up to you,


or when your best friend wants to hang out with you but whenener u invited him, he makes up 1001 stupid excuses for not being able to make it and try to make up to you,


or when someone ask you to pick him up at the lrt station and you waited for his call until you fell asleep and when you wake up to see 10 misscalls on your cell phone and when you called back he says he's already on the way home with another person,


just direct all your anger to your tightly balled up fist and give them the best blow you could ever give to anyone right in the middle of their face.




and that, my dear blog readers, will just do the trick :)








p.s: my cat bit my left hand for no apparent reason and it hurts like hell. don't be shocked if the next time you see me my eyes are rolled backwards with foam on my mouth. haha.

p.p.s: i'm gonna go this short! oh yeahhhhh.

sad sad

i'm not going back this week. so its gonna be my first weekend here. away from home :'(



anyone, please come visit. take me out or bring me kfc :)





we can't go back this week cause there's gonna be an election for the student body tomorrow. technically we can go back tomorrow at 2 after the voting session ends. but since my parents are not in town, i don't think i can go back.


plus, its not worth the time. because i have to be back on sunday before 7. yeah, curfew suck balls.


chill far, 9 more months to go and then you're gonna be outta here.



till then, have a nice weekend with me people ;)

saya tidak mahu pulang

boleh tak saya mahu berhenti belajar dan kawin?




argh, stress.

you should go through pms, then we'll talk.

the person who knows you the best in this world might not be the one that you love the most.


the person you love the most might be the the one who constantly breaks your heart.


the person you care so much about might be the one who tell you the most lies.


the person who lie to you all the time might be the one you depend on the most in life.


the person you bitch about all the time might be the one who got your back through the hardest times.


the person you love might not be the one you need.


life is ironic.

i'm back in town!

hello to all of you amazing people! i miss blogging so much so i'm gonna start writing again! *hoooraaaay*

okay la, lets be honest here. the reason i'm starting to blog again is becauseeeeeeeeeee:

1) my english is getting sucky n suckier each day. especially when living at a place that doesnt allow me to communicate in english as much as i used to.

2) since i'm sitting for my MUET test soon, i'm gonna use blogging as a medium to improve my english. teehee.

3) the freaking plug in my freaking room (at KMS banting) has just been repaired. awesome possum. now i can charge my awesome new phone and use my awesome new laptop and write in my awesome blog whenever i want to. awesome huh?



oh yaaa, for those of you who still dont know, i am now officially a college student. *claps claps* currently doing my matriculation in Kolej Matrikulasi Selangor in Banting.



awesome new life, awesome new friends, awesome new environment, not so awesome new place.

IT SUCKS TO BE THE FIRST BATCH PEOPLE!!!

and it is even suckier to be living at the 4th floor of the last college dorm that is far from almost everything else. *sigh*



but i aint gonna complain cause i aint weak bebeh. okay, i have to admit i cried the first night i was there. thanks haiqal for keeping me sane and be there for me when i needed u :')



that place kinda suck to me before maybe because i'm not used to being far from home. no shower and heater, no washing machine and the most importantly, the food there was beyond disgusting.



but its all good now. the food has improved a lot! and i made lotsa new friends! and i get to eat at the boys' cafe everyday! hahahaha. the food there are cheaper and much more delicious compared to both of the girls' cafe.

in conclusion, although life is much harder now and the exhaustion is unbearable at times, i hate to say this but i love my new life. it changed me a lot as a person.



thanks to mama and abah for fetching me back and forth from subang to banting and vice versa every weekend. and yes, i do go back every weekend cause i like it that way. manja kan? lol.



i promise to write more often now and keep u guys/girls updated. my schedule is very very veryyyy tight nowadays, so i'll try my very best to do so.



got to go build a water rocket now. till then, toodles oodles noodles~!






*excuse the countless awesomes in this post. its my new favourite word ^___^

strawberries and honey combs.

18

when you're 18, everything suppose to make sense. HALF TRUE.

I HAD THE GREATEST BIRTHDAY EVER !

a big thank you to all my friends who did a great job at organizing my surprise party. it was great and i can't ask for anything better. they're such good liars! i admit, i was fooled. i felt like being punk'd on MTV except that there was no ashton kutcher. well, i'll get my revenge soon >:)

i dedicate this post specially to:

sharinna n nabilah

fana

isaac, iris n stella

haiqal

and......

abu, tasha, adam, kamarul, husna, effy, ab, nadiah, ian, rahul, sherwin, jacob and zharif.

thank you gazillion much! :D

the best day

I'm five years old, it's getting cold, I've got my big coat on

I hear your laugh and look up smiling at you, I run and run

Past the pumpkin patch and the tractor rides, look now, the sky is gold

I hug your legs and fall asleep on the way home

I don't know why all the trees change in the fall

But I know you're not scared of anything at all

Don't know if Snow White's house is near or far away

But I know I had the best day with you today

I'm thirteen now and don't know how my friends could be so mean

I come home crying and you hold me tight and grab the keys

And we drive and drive until we found a town far enough away

And we talk and window shop 'til I've forgotten all their names

I don't know who I'm gonna talk to now at school

But I know I'm laughing on the car ride home with you

Don't know how long it's gonna take to feel okay

But I know I had the best day with you today

I have an excellent father, his strength is making me stronger

God smiles on my little brother, inside and out, he's better than I am

I grew up in a pretty house and I had space to run

And I had the best days with you

There is a video I found from back when I was three

You set up a paint set in the kitchen and you're talking to me

It's the age of princesses and pirate ships and the seven dwarfs

And Daddy's smart and you're the prettiest lady in the whole wide world

And now I know why the all the trees change in the fall

I know you were on my side even when I was wrong

And I love you for giving me your eyes

For staying back and watching me shine

And I didn't know if you knew, so I'm takin' this chance to say

That I had the best day with you today

my silly teacher

my class teacher, Puan Noradzlinda IM-ed me on facebook just to say this:

"sorry ganggu.. cikgu nak mintak tolong sikit.. husband cikgu
tak cukup neighbor, boleh add farah jadi friends dia?"

"kesian kat dia.. nak upgrade farm tapi tak cukup neighbor."

-.-"

my class teacher is so cool.

camerakurakuramarama

i want to buy a new digital camera. anyone wants to suggest anything?

it must be:

NOT SO EXPENSIVE RM400-600

NOT SO BULKY

NOT SO LOUSY

NOT SO GAY?

i'm desperado but i'm too lazy to google. teehee.

limit

every person in this world has their own limit point.

it shows how much pain one can endure, how tough they are, how patient they are, how strong they are at keeping up with the nonsense that other people create for them.

but what happens when a person have reached his/her limit point and realize that they couldn't take it anymore?

they break.

as for me, every time i felt like breaking, i kept telling myself,

"I'm flexible, i'm stretchable. i'm like a rubber, and rubbers don't break."

yeah, they don't. but hearts do.