i need anger management

i just feel like i wanna slap someone for no reason -.-

hmm, maybe its that time of the month. ya know, hormone imbalance and what not. it's getting outta control! but it feels good 8)

anyways, i'm not suppose to blog now cause its study week. blogging feels so...sinful. been sick for the wholeeeee weeek! so i can't really study in peace.

went to the ER just now to get myself checked. dah telan ubat banyak2 tapi tak baik jugak. ottoke! so emak being an emak, decided to bring me straight to the hospital.

i get shivers when i walked around the ER. its my first time going there after my toe incident. when i look at the floor, i remembered the pool of blood..and my screaming *aaaaaaaaaa*...and the stupid doctor who looked so blur i could have slapped him if i wasn't in so much pain.

yeah, i saw that doctor again, after 4 years. the urge to slap him is still there, but not as strong. and that will forever remain as the most terrifying experience i've ever experienced.

went to the bank today to settle some stuff that needed to be settled. all i can say is maybank sucks. haihh, the first time i went to the one near my mother's office. gila lembap! orang nak reactivate atm card pun nak kena tunggu berjam-jam. i got impatient so i just left.

today, i went to the one at bangsar. it took me less then 15 minutes to get my card reactivated. i don't know whether its the place factor or what (bangsar kan ramai datuk-datuk kaya so takleh la biar diorg tunggu macam rakyat jelata yang lain). tapi serious lain gilaaaa service between the two branch.

thats not even the worst part.

i've been applying for something something since february and until now, they have not get it approved yet. everytime i go there, mesti adaaaa je alasan. and everytime i check my maybank2u, belum jugak approve. haihh, hangin betul.

thennnn, just now when i was there to reactivate my card, kebetulan terjumpa abang yang supposedly incharge of the thing that i applied for. HE SAID THE THING IS STILL NOT PROCESSED!

ni yang nak nafs ammarah ni (islamic psychology joke). pastu boleh pulak nak bagi alasan yang macam nak makan penampar. pastu suruh apply baru. apekah? it's already june you freaking imbicile. (haha, i feel so poyo so nak jugak guna imbicile sebab bunyi best)

can you feel the anger in this post? hahahaha, blame it on the hormones :D this post is just to release my built up anger. i don't actually have any specific reason to be angry.

now nak pergi cari makanan. teringin nak makanan durian and sushi! seperately la ofcourse.

toooodles!

p/s: already missing my ali baba. tak sabar nak balik after exam, nak lambung2 si comel itu.

credit: rizal razman's FB

Lost

whats up with ze title? firstly, lemme share a song zat i've been playing on repeat lately :)

ehem ehem.

Today is a bit mellow for me. it's one of those days where you don't know what to feel. i'm not angry, not happy either. just, bleghhh. that word/sound pretty much sums up the way i'm feeling.

Today is the 6th anniversary of Hezril Remmy's passing. ahhh, how time flies. we're all grown ups now and sometimes i wonder how he would turn up if he's still alive. memories that we had together are still fresh in my mind. how could i ever forget?

so many things have changed since. the day he passed away was the first time i learn how it feels like to lose someone. at the time, i've always thought that fourteen is such a young age to face something as awful as death of loved ones. but then again, there are people out there who've lost parents at a younger age and that made me feel thankful that god has not test me with such things.

by now, i've come to accept that nothing last forever and nothing is certain. at some point in life you are going to lose someone or something that you care for so much  whether you like it or not. this year has been the toughest yet for me cause i think i've lost more than one friend. the closest i've ever had.

i dare say that loosing someone to death is easier than loosing someone because there is no other way to be together without hurting each other and people around you. 

don't get me wrong, i'm not gonna write about my love life here (ada ke pun?) so you can relax now.

sometimes i get too caught up with my feelings that i let it interfere with my decision making. maybe i was wrong, maybe i made the wrong decision. but i did what i feel is right at the time.

and then there's the memories. ah, if only i could erase them all and start fresh. it is hard to live knowing that those memories are the only thing that is left of  the friendship that we used to have.

but despite all that, i have no regrets over what happen. i admit i could have been more understanding and react better to the situation, but i did not. and for that i apologize. 

i believe in fate. if it is fated that we shall meet again i the future, then i'll welcome you with open arms. but if it's not, then maybe god has better plan for us :)

hahhhh, it feels good to write it all out ^__^

on another news, i lost my purse. the blue glittery one which everyone thought was a netbook, make up set etc. oh well, it's about time i buy a new purse anyway. siapa yang ambik tu semoga dia mimpi i setiap malam sampai dia muak and pulangkan purse tu. aminnn. heh heh. 

till then, take care people. jangan emo emo ;)

missing my mi amor <3 

A comeback?

i never really left, just not present in the present :)

Anyways, I've decided that i need to write again. life is just not fun if you can't share it with the world. 

notice the changes? 

Iwan calls me an ustazah -.-

this is peepeefeet!

i know its an extremely weird name to name a cat. but i am weird like that :)

this little devil is just a stray cat who likes to pretend like she lives in our house. she's super smart and have a talent in persuading people to share food with her. well, she's been away for a very long time so i assume someone must have taken her to live with them cause she's super friendly and tak malu. but to my surprise she came back last two nights. i don't think she's a normal cat, maybe she's a devil or something.

the end of a beginning

guess who's finishing matrics? heh heh.

how time flies when you're having fun.

FUN?! yeah. right.

matrics is no fun brothers and sisters. but we gotta do what we gotta do, kan? after almost one year living in this hellish place, it's finally coming to an end. yeayyy!


butttttt, that also means that our finals is nearing, fastttt. do pray for me people because if you do then i promise i'll write in this blog more often when i finished this matrics programme. (i know i said that the last time but i really haven't got the time. hehe)


i must say although i really hate to be here and am dying to finish and go back to the comfort of my home, i would really miss my friends that i met here. they are super-dee-duper awesome! note that nothing is more awesome-r than super-dee-duper awesome.


especially my classmates, because some of them stay as far as terengganu. and all my lecturers, our mentor, akak koperasi (?). ewww, okay that's gross.


i'll definitely miss my dorm neighbours who are all so funny and friendly. my roommates whom i've already consider them as sisters now :') i would miss habsah the most though cause she's staying far away in KL and most because both of us wanted the same things in life, well, most of it anyways. finally i've met someone who is also passionate about being a psychologist as i have always been. as for mahirah, she is practically my neighbour in subang so yeah, i'm gonna see her often even after matrics.


ohh this is so emotional so i'm gonna stop right here. might be posting pictures soon so do wait for it ;)


i end this post with a goodbye and an offer. i really do not know what i'm going to do after matrics. so if you need a maid do call me okay?


LOL okay that was a joke. really, it is. my mum have already booked me for that job. ho ho ho so excited cant wait -.-


till then, have a nice day blogworms! ^__^

*bing!*

for the first time in my life i feel miserable but actually think that its okay to feel that way because i know that it is just a phase and will pass soon.

i know now how it feels to be alone when the people that u think will always be there for u isn't there this time to stand by your side. and its okay because now i know that i am capable of doing things on my own without depending on others.

i understand now that sometimes we just need our own space and be given time to ourselves because time apparently heals any given pain. sometimes we don't realize that we actually need time on our own, and we keep on trying to pull people into our life, thinking that two is actually better than one. but when we end up being alone despite our effort to find company, then only we realize that, hey! this isn't so bad after all! its actually good for me!

being alone doesn't mean that you have to be lonely.

this might sound sad and pathetic to some of u who are reading this. i would think so too if i didn't know any better. but think about this, if you can't stand being with your own self, how do u expect others to stand being with u?

wow, it amazes me how matured and wise i am becoming now. i blame it on the wisdom tooth that's growing. :D

if i die young

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a, bed of roses
Sink me in the river, at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song


Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother
She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh and
Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no
Ain't even gray, but she buries her baby

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had, just enough time

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a, bed of roses
Sink me in the river, at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had, just enough time

And I'll be wearing white, when I come into your kingdom
I'm as green as the ring on my little, cold finger, I've
Never known the lovin' of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand, there's a
Boy here in town says he'll, love my forever
Who would have thought forever could be severed by
The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had, just enough time

So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls
What I never did is done

A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell them for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a, bed of roses
Sink me in the river, at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

The ballad of a dove
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket
Save them for a time when your really gonna need them, oh

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had, just enough time

So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls